This week on Tumblr:
It’s a metaphor. You’re a metaphor. I’m a metaphor. Your keybord is a metaphor. Everything is a metaphor. The universe is turning into one giant metaphor on a molecular scale. Run. It’s too late.
going to college is great
getting married is great
having children is great
but implying that there’s something wrong with people who don’t want to do those things and that they’ll never feel fulfilled in life if they never do those things is not great
i was talking to my friend about the similarities between gryffindor and slytherin, and he told me to come up with a concise way to explain the differences between the two.
so i told him, “if you make a gryffindor mad and they storm out on you, they’ll get a lot of satisfaction out of slamming the door behind them. but a slytherin will leave it wide open, because they’ll get the most satisfaction knowing they made you get up to close it.”
WHOEVER BUYS THIS FOR ME WINS MY ETERNAL LOVE
I OWN THIS
EVERY MORNING HE SAYS SOMETHING DIFFERENT ABOUT HOW THE WORLD NEEDS YOU AND YOU HAVE TO GET UP
AND WHEN YOU PRESS THE BUTTON TO HUSH HIM HE SAYS “DEFTLY DONE, MADAM,” OR “IF IT’S NOT TOO FORWARD OF ME, THAT DID TICKLE, MADAM”
IT WAKES YOU UP WITH THE SOUND OF CHIRPING BIRDS BEFORE STEPHEN FRY’S VOICE
EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE ONE
THIS IS LIKE JARVIS.
A REAL JARVIS EXCEPT HE’S A CLOCK.